Preteen and Parenting

My son is 12.

Of late, I have seen his attitude change. He is getting more vocal and opinionated. There seems to be a shimmer of Negativity surrounding his otherwise Positive and funny outlook. Some days his “meanness” reaches an all-time high when he is dealing with his younger sibling. Other days he is the epitome of Compassion and Kindness.

I think my son has entered what can only be termed ADOLESCENCE! Oh Joy! Literally and yes, sarcastically too!  He also happens to be a GEMINI. So double the whiplash when things aren’t exactly rosy!

What can I do to be an understanding parent, a better Mom?

This question haunts me every single night. He is very strong-willed and stubborn. I am not exactly a stick in the mud either. For the most part I am pretty laidback and not an angry or violent person. When I feel Anger rear its ugly head, I can diffuse it with a quiet sense of humor or “let it go”. However, this ADOLESCENSE can bring out the “Beast” in me! I can be equally stubborn and refuse to back down if anything or anyone threatens my Principles or Values. In short, there is a part of him that is very much ME! 

How then can I help him understand himself?

Having come from humble beginnings, my sibling and I grew up pretty happy and content. Our parents did the best they could, even if they couldn’t give us everything we wanted at times. They were always there for us, always honest with us and always encouraged us to be good at whatever we wanted to be. That didn’t mean we didn’t have a few spats growing up. We did but we knew we could always count on our parents to BE THERE for us.

That’s my Parenting Manual and Standard to go by when dealing with my son.

He’s too young to declare “the world is a cold, dark place!” ‘There’s so much more to live and experience and you haven’t even seen a fraction of it….’ Is how my ballistic brain is reacting to his declaration, getting me all riled up. In retrospect, he could have just meant ‘there’s way too much homework and I don’t like that because I can’t find time to do fun stuff!!’ 

How the hell am I supposed to decipher that in the heat of the moment??? 

That’s PARENTING for you. 

Giving Birth was the easiest thing I could have done, even without the epidural. This is a whole other Ball Game that I have to learn on the go with NO CLEAR GUIDELINES!

So what do I do? I pray. Every. Single. Day. And Night. I let it loose at my Creator and challenge him to “solve” my issues given that He’s a Single Parent and all J And you know what? That helps. That helps a GREAT deal. Do I magically have my answers? Absolutely not. HE is having way too much fun watching me stumble and learn to do what HE does so beautifully. But, I find a Calm knowing that if everything were perfect, Life would be too boring! The struggles, the less than perfect situations are what help us Grow and be BETTER versions of ourselves.

Next time I hear my son say, “My dream is to make my brother laugh so much that he chokes”, I will remind myself to hear “between those thoughts”. I know my son does not want his little brother to “choke and die” but that’s his way of saying “to have as much fun as I want”.

Really, my son, my pre-teen is actually pretty Cool! Way cooler than what I was when I was his age. He is more analytical, more mature and well-read, more independent and open to doing newer things and certainly a lot less fearful than I was. I like bouncing ideas and problems off of him and more than once he has amazed me with his simple yet creative solution!

I would love nothing more than for him to grow into the good-bad, right-wrong, "twin natured" Gemini - a unique and complex individual that he is and not some weird version that I want him to be!

I just want to be the Mom he can come to, no matter what his issues, knowing that, ‘it’ll be alright. Mom’s here’…just like how I feel about my own mom and dad, even today.

So I will take it one day at a time. Try to do the best I can. Learn from my mistakes (oh there are going to be plenty from my side, I guarantee it!) and see more “positives” in my son before hammering down on his “negatives”. For all I know, he could be an Old Soul, much Older and Wiser than me, in a young body trying to navigate this Life as best as he can. Now, there’s a perspective I can use before succumbing to my “inner Beast” :)

At the end of it all, he’s my kiddo, given to me, to guide him as best as I can. He is his own Person and I don’t “own” him. If I can remember that and regard him as a Blessing, that I am thankful for, every breath of my Life, I think I am on my way to being a Better Parent. <3

(Image Credit: Google Images)

Field of Peace

A wintry morning, I sit outside 
When it's still dawn and a book by my side,
I listen contentedly
To the birds singing,
As they whisper a secret, 'spring is coming'!

Little snowflakes twirling light,
Like tiny Angels set in flight,
Unobstructed, they float on quiet,
Till they settle on me, to my delight! 

The ground is covered in the softest snow,
The purest, pristine you could ever know,
Yet tiny shoots all green and bright
Poke their head through the crystal white. 

In this lovely Solitude I'm lost as I smile,
There's no want or need, as my time, I while,
I don't want to leave, as the World rouses, in a tease
But return I will, to this Inner Field of Peace ❤️

Souls are One

I have a dream
A happy dream,
With hands entwined
We walk on sand,
My floral scarf
Floats to the sky,
You catch it high
And wrap me inside.

My hands flutter
Over your windswept hair,
You pull me close
Like I'd go anywhere...
Your knowing eyes see my smile
I blush inside, I cannot hide.

I place my hand over your heart,
It's rhythmic pulse, both deep and soft
My own heart races and runs wild
I laugh and think 'You're the reason, you're right beside'

You're my breath, my very air
Without You, I despair,
'My other half' - your voice whispers,
'Yes, my Love', sing my eyes through tears...

Different bodies, we seeming are,
Space and Time holding us afar,
But no separation, there can be none
For in Love, our Souls are One.

(Image credit Google Pics)

Just Keep Swimming

At the end of each day I flop down on my bed, exhausted beyond words, asleep within minutes. Most days I'm lucky but there are days when I don't want to fall asleep...at least not till I have had the time to mull through what's in my head. Mostly my thoughts revert to my kids and what their day was like. Some nights (like tonight) I have an urge to write, just about anything.
I was at the speech therapist's office observing the many children who needed help. I couldn't help but think about my little one and how far he had come....and how much farther he had to go. I shared my 'mommy concerns' with the therapist and she said something that made me literally stop and think hard. She said, "What you feel and worry, any parent would, and you have to let yourself feel those emotions. But remember, Forward IS a Motion. When you feel low, take a moment to really grasp that your little boy is moving forward. The pace may not be to our expectation but he is moving forward nonetheless...."
I could've hugged her!! She made me realize that what truly mattered was just making a little progress every day and not giving up.
Every little step adds up and before long your Journey is so rich with experiences and learning that you just might be able to lend a helping hand to another fellow traveler who's on the verge of despair or hopelessness 😊
So like Dory says in Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming" ❤️

"Who" or "What" I am is not determined by one person's opinion or the collective opinions of many. It can never be. For, "who" or "what" I am is already present in every cell of my being as molded by the Creator. Everything else is just a perception that suits some or not at all.
For the longest time I have functioned waiting for some kind of outside "approval" for my actions, my thoughts, deeds...does it really matter? I certainly didn't come, or for that matter anyone else, into this world bearing a certificate that needs to be stamped "approved" or "disapproved". There is no mark of any kind on anyone. All that monstrosity "happens" later. But here's the rub; when you die, all those "supposed markings" fall away. What then, is the point of divesting all our energies on something so futile and worthless that it won't even serve our purpose?  What competition, what pretense and what social norms?? None of that matters...it never did and yet we entangle ourselves deeper into that mess. Maybe it's the FEAR of the UNKNOWN that prevents us from ditching the "safety" of the Known and exploring what's "out there".
Who knows...
Something is breaking and cracking inside of me. But thats where the Light gets in. I welcome that wholeheartedly. Anything for a few moments of LIGHT than an eternity of "Darkness"....

The Plunge

The Plunge

"I want to open a Pastry shop", she said. 

"Are you crazy?? That's all of your meager savings and you want to put it in something that you are not even sure will work??", questioned her friend. 

"Yeah, I do because I really, really love baking! It makes me happy!", she replied eagerly. Then added, "I'm gonna do it. I'll take the Plunge. At least I know I tried and didn't give up on my dreams..."

"In that case, I'm there all the way for you, my crazy friend", replied her friend with a smile...

Sound familiar??

We all know of dreams like the one above. Every dream is different. No dream is big or small. What matters is that You have one! And You believe in it with all your heart. Yeah, You may be the only one believing in it, but hey, that's great, for You are Your BIGGEST Supporter! And that's enough positive vibe to send out to the Universe in realizing your dream. I know, You think I'm crazy :-) But you've got to be a little crazy in a positive way in order to achieve what you've set your heart on.

I wanted to be home for my kids and I was told I was crazy to give up my job. I did it anyway because that's what I believed in. Looking back, those were the BEST, meaningful 10 years of my Life. I was told going to a new country was crazy. I'd never make it and be lonely and unhappy. I went anyway and here I am, 16 years later, calling this place my home and meeting some of the finest individuals who are dear to me than my own life. Yeah, I'm crazy, but a crazy one with no regrets. ;-)

I have Dreams and oftentimes I'm the only one who believes in them :-) It's scary, trust me, every time I'm faced with the decision to take "the plunge". I have no clue how or what I have to do to realize them....except for the strong, comforting flutter in my heart that says, "Go for it. You can do it". So, I take the plunge and the FIRST STEP reveals itself! That's all you really need. THE FIRST STEP! And the best part? YOU can be that Step for YOURSELF even when no one else shares your Dream! :-)

If you've ever hiked up a mountain trail, you know you can't always see the summit! It's a VISION in your head, one where you'd like to reach. You take your first step on the trail and keep going. Before long, you've reached the Summit and breathe in the spectacular vista and then look down and realize how far you've come!! It's an AMAZING feeling! 

If  you had looked at the peak and gave up right there thinking its way too high for you, you'd have never reached it, WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY COULD HAVE!! 

Nothing in Life is certain. Nothing comes our way with an Instruction Manual or Plan or Steps. We figure them out as we go along. We may choose to share those "steps" or "actions" with others to make it easier for them but ultimately it is up to EACH ONE OF US to take that step in making it happen.

Don't be afraid to take that step towards your Dream. The Fear is only in your head, not "Out There" and it hasn't even happened and it may never either! You WILL most definitely encounter the "I told you so" people when you have a setback. So what? :-) They aren't the ones living your dream or walking in your shoes. They ARE NOT the ones who know what YOU are CAPABLE OF!

YOU ARE!!

So go ahead, LIVE a little. 

Take THE PLUNGE :-)

Nothin' but LOVE

And so begins another phase in my Life....

And my heart is filled to capacity with Gratitude for the way things have unfolded. It is one thing to read about the Calm one experiences and yet completely different to KNOW what it really is :-)

I will miss visiting my beloved park in the early morning hours but I guess I could always sneak some time in if my Soul totally craved it. Never say never, right? ;-)

I can never thank my Maker enough for the Glorious Moments of Solitude that were given to me,  that took me DEEPER Inside. To Let Go and watch Life unfold around You with You in it, is just so 'Freeing', for lack of a better enlightening word :-D I can't think of a better Stress Relief Therapy :-P

I will certainly try and keep up with my "iphoneOgraphing" and capture Nature as best as I can and share it with y'all, my Friends and ardent supporters - some of whom I know only virtually but who are just spectacularly amazing, just the way You are. Some of us strive for Perfection but here in lies the Beauty. Perfection lies not outside of us but really deep within each one of us. To quote Katsumoto from the 'The Last Samurai', "They are All PERFECT" :-) Just give yourselves a chance to SEE it ;-)

As I sit on the park bench soaking up the Spring Sunshine this morning, I feel overwhelmingly happy and can even smile back at the crazy Goose that wanted to chase me but decided to change direction in the final seconds :-D:-D

Life is BEAUTIFUL, people. You are not your circumstances, your decisions, opinions, judgements...not even that when you think you are at your lowest in Life. YOU are so much more than All that. You are PURE PERFECTION, yeah, even that grumpy neighbor who dumps his leaves in your yard :-D Just look beyond the Veil of Illusion and One day, You'll be Amazed at what You see. You will ;-)

So until next time, (and there surely will be one, don't you fret :-P), RELAX, LET GO and know that You are absolutely Cared for by that HIGHEST POWER. 

From my heart to y'all, 

I got nothin' but LOVE ❤️

(Picture courtesy of GooglePics)