My son is 12.
Of late, I have seen his attitude
change. He is getting more vocal and opinionated. There seems to be a shimmer
of Negativity surrounding his otherwise Positive and funny outlook. Some days
his “meanness” reaches an all-time high when he is dealing with his younger
sibling. Other days he is the epitome of Compassion and Kindness.
I think my son has entered what
can only be termed ADOLESCENCE! Oh Joy! Literally and yes, sarcastically
too! He also happens to be a GEMINI. So
double the whiplash when things aren’t exactly rosy!
What can I do to be an
understanding parent, a better Mom?
This question haunts me every
single night. He is very strong-willed and stubborn. I am not exactly a stick
in the mud either. For the most part I am pretty laidback and not an angry or
violent person. When I feel Anger rear its ugly head, I can diffuse it with a
quiet sense of humor or “let it go”. However, this ADOLESCENSE can bring out
the “Beast” in me! I can be equally stubborn and refuse to back down if anything
or anyone threatens my Principles or Values. In short, there is a part of him
that is very much ME!
How then can I help him understand himself?
Having come from humble
beginnings, my sibling and I grew up pretty happy and content. Our parents did
the best they could, even if they couldn’t give us everything we wanted at
times. They were always there for us, always honest with us and always
encouraged us to be good at whatever we wanted to be. That didn’t mean we
didn’t have a few spats growing up. We did but we knew we could always count on
our parents to BE THERE for us.
That’s my Parenting Manual and
Standard to go by when dealing with my son.
He’s too young to declare “the
world is a cold, dark place!” ‘There’s so much more to live and experience and you
haven’t even seen a fraction of it….’ Is how my ballistic brain is reacting to
his declaration, getting me all riled up. In retrospect, he could have just
meant ‘there’s way too much homework and I don’t like that because I can’t find
time to do fun stuff!!’
How the hell am I supposed to decipher that in the heat
of the moment???
That’s PARENTING for you.
Giving Birth was the easiest thing I
could have done, even without the epidural. This is a whole other Ball Game
that I have to learn on the go with NO CLEAR GUIDELINES!
So what do I do? I pray. Every.
Single. Day. And Night. I let it loose at my Creator and challenge him to
“solve” my issues given that He’s a Single Parent and all J
And you know what? That helps. That helps a GREAT deal. Do I magically have my
answers? Absolutely not. HE is having way too much fun watching me stumble and
learn to do what HE does so beautifully. But, I find a Calm knowing that if
everything were perfect, Life would be too boring! The struggles, the less than
perfect situations are what help us Grow and be BETTER versions of ourselves.
Next time I hear my son say, “My
dream is to make my brother laugh so much that he chokes”, I will remind myself
to hear “between those thoughts”. I know my son does not want his little brother
to “choke and die” but that’s his way of saying “to have as much fun as I
want”.
Really, my son, my pre-teen is
actually pretty Cool! Way cooler than what I was when I was his age. He is more
analytical, more mature and well-read, more independent and open to doing newer
things and certainly a lot less fearful than I was. I like bouncing ideas and
problems off of him and more than once he has amazed me with his simple yet
creative solution!
I would love nothing more than
for him to grow into the good-bad, right-wrong, "twin natured" Gemini - a unique
and complex individual that he is and not some weird version that I want him to
be!
I just want to be the Mom he can
come to, no matter what his issues, knowing that, ‘it’ll be alright. Mom’s
here’…just like how I feel about my own mom and dad, even today.
So I will take it one day at a
time. Try to do the best I can. Learn from my mistakes (oh there are going to
be plenty from my side, I guarantee it!) and see more “positives” in my son
before hammering down on his “negatives”. For all I know, he could be an Old
Soul, much Older and Wiser than me, in a young body trying to navigate this
Life as best as he can. Now, there’s a perspective I can use before succumbing
to my “inner Beast” :)
At the end of it all, he’s my
kiddo, given to me, to guide him as best as I can. He is his own Person and I
don’t “own” him. If I can remember that and regard him as a Blessing, that I am
thankful for, every breath of my Life, I think I am on my way to being a Better
Parent. <3
(Image Credit: Google Images)
